Relax, your poutine is too big… but it could be bigger

The Charlatan
1447 Commercial Dr.
Vancouver, BC

Relax, you can have champagne with your poutine

The last spike was hammered down near Revelstoke in 1885 signifying the completion of the Canadian Pacific Railway, fulfilling British Columbia’s promise of connecting the west coast to the rest of Canada. Poutine would now be able to travel across the country, though it won’t be invented for another 72 years. Commemorating this historic achievement, Revelstoke Mountain Resort’s 15km run The Last Spike takes you top to bottom at North America’s highest vertical decent. Aside from that leg burner, Revelstoke is host to some of the best terrain in BC’s Kootenay mountain range.

Après–ski at The Village Idiot with a pint of Mt. Begbie beer, a burger, poutine and all you need is champagne in the morning.

The Village Idiot
306 MacKenzie Ave.Revelstoke, BC

Relax, and get POUTINE PROBED by the 90’s

There’s no question about my love for poutine, but I’ve never used biblical references to describe the great Canadian dish. More than just a hipster’s guide to 90’s fashion and haircuts, this 90’s CBC documentary, aptly titled Poutine Probe, serves up some classic investigative journalism on the wonderful world of poutine and will be the best 8 minutes of your day.  Get Poutine Probed Here >>

Poutine Probe
CBC News
Reporter: Stephen Langford
Date: November 5, 1991

Relax, you can have poutenny for brunch

Brunch is one of the more common portmanteau words in the English lexicon. Other notables include, frappuccino, cronut and tofurkey. But it’s Sunday, so let’s talk about brunch.

Eliminating the need for Saturday-night-carousers to get up early for breakfast, brunch is often the highlight of society’s non-churchgoing Sundays, especially when we aren’t feeling great after the previous 1,2, or 3 nights of adventure. In this particular case, Saturday night was followed by Sunday morning snowboarding with a mere 3 hours of sleep in between. Poutine and a caesar will certainly help wrap up this great weekend. Since Tap and Barrel won’t let you order the poutine burger at brunch, The Quebec Street Poutine Benny will have to do. And it did. I think the appropriate portmanteau would be… poutenny.

Tap and Barrel
1 Athletes Way
Vancouver, BC

Relax, poutinespiration is a natural phenomenon

Pou·tine·spi·ra·tion  noun

Definition
: a picture, sight or mention of poutine that inspires someone to go and eat poutine

Origin
: Vancouver, BC

First Known Use
: 21st Century

Example in a Sentence
: It was a rainy, cold summer day in Ottawa, the nation’s capital, and one of the few times the four of them get together to golf; a father, two brothers and a brother-in-law. Despite the heavy rains, they persisted through 18 holes; scattered about, huddling under umbrellas and looking for golf balls in the soggy rough. There won’t be many birdies today. Soaked head to toe, they packed their bags into the back of the pickup thinking of home and dry clothes.

“Let’s get poutine,” one brother said.

The brother-in-law was native to Ottawa and offered to direct the foursome to the best poutine in Ottawa. “But it probably won’t be open when the weather is this bad,” he said reluctantly. This was poutinespiration enough to the two brothers who were already warming up to the thought. They gambled and started towards JP’s Crispy Chips to test their luck.

The rain was coming down hard, the OPEN sign was on… “There will be poutine!” one brother shouted. The two brothers ran out of the truck to get everyone’s requested “medium” poutine. But the prices were the best the one brother had ever seen (having lived in Vancouver the past 10 years he was used to paying over $10 for a poutine, the large at JP’s was only $7.50). This poutinespiration drove him to adjust the order ever so slightly, “4 large poutines please,” he announced. “One with extra cheese,” the other brother added.

The father and brother-in-law didn’t know they were eating large poutines instead of mediums. They ate and ate and ate, but couldn’t finish the remaining cheese and chips floating in a soup of gravy… “these are mediums?” the father yelled in frustration. Not able to hold a lie, the truth was confessed, but not until after the one brother finished his large.

JP’s Crispy Chips
1375 Clyed Ave.
Ottawa, ON

This chip truck has been relaxing for 35 years

One of the great hallmarks of Onterrible is the prevalence of chip trucks; many with simple menus serving nothing but fresh cut french fries. If you grew up back east, chances are you experienced your first poutine at one of these mobile potato slingers.

The concept of a mobile kitchen dates back to 1866. As America’s beef market expanded after the Civil War, “chuckwagons” were created to serve the cowboys herding cattle on the prairies. Today, mobile food is bigger than ever. In urban centers, to satisfy the diversity of cultures and taste, food trucks are slinging city folk a variety of dishes like perogies, fish tacos and butter chicken.

However, with all the variety out there, it’s nice to come across an old school chip truck like Mr. Chips in Parry Sound, Ontario. For the past 35 years, hungry Georgian Bay cottagers have been lining up at Mr. Chips for their hot, freshly cut french fries. And with poutine on the menu… I’ll take a large.

Mr. Chips – Truck #1
23 Seguin Street
Parry Sound, ON

O Poutine, we relax our guard for thee

O Poutine!
Our favourite and native food!
True cheesy love in all thy restaurants command.

With mountains of cheese we see thee melt,
From the true north hot gravy!

From far and wide,
O Poutine, we relax our guard for thee.

Poutine keep our land glorious and tasty!
O Poutine, we relax our guard for thee.

O Poutine, we relax our guard for thee.

Relax, poutine prohibition isn’t coming any time soon

Prohibition banned the making, selling and drinking of alcohol in the United States from 1920 – 1933. Lucky for us we weren’t born yet, but the movement did spur some of the best books and movies and coined popular terms such as gangster and bootlegging, so prohibition wasn’t all that bad. And if poutine had been around back then, surely Gatsby would have served it at one of his fine parties.

But since poutine didn’t exist then and you weren’t invited to one of Gatsby’s great parties, go to Prohibition Brewing Co. in Vancouver instead. There you will find poutine made with ale gravy and a selection of taps inspired by all things lawless and bootlegging worthy. Smuggle in a flask of Canadian Club while you’re at it.

Prohibition Brewing Co.
1269 Hamilton St.
Vancouver, BC

Relax, it’s just glocalization

It’s dark and rainy on West 11th Ave with a lineup of umbrellas stretching down the sidewalk. We squeeze through the line to get to Rangoli, Vij’s side-store market and restaurant which doesn’t have a line, but lacks the dim lighting and atmosphere that Vancouver’s trendiest are standing in the rain for. After a day in the seymour backcountry, what better way to warm up than with a paneer poutine.

It’s not often you see poutine on an Indian menu. This is glocalization at its best. With cassava “Mogo” fries, spicy pulled pork, house-made jalapeño paneer and bengali gravy, chef Meeru Dhalwala has brought the flavours of India to Canada’s favourite dish. Rangoli’s menu changes often, so it’s not likely the poutine will stick around after the Vancouver Foodster Poutine Festival, but it’s worth a visit anyway. You can also buy Vij’s packaged curries and more on your way out, which would be a nice addition to your next homemade poutine.

Vij’s Rangoli
1488 West 11th Ave.
Vancouver, BC

Relax, there’s no need to fight over poutine

You might not like the Boston Bruins or even hockey for the matter, but if you like late night poutine, Mean Poutine on Granville Street has a secret that’s apparently worth dropping the gloves for. Open until 4:00am, Mean Poutine has created a protein rich poutine for the 2011 Stanley Cup Champion Milan Lucic. Dubbed the “Milan Lucic” this topping rich, off the menu poutine includes beef, chicken, bacon, fried onions, mushrooms, peas, carrots and more I think. If the protein heavy poutine is enough to satisfy a 220 pound athlete, then it will certainly satisfy late night zombies following the scent of poutine at 3am.
This underground poutine bypassed our radar until Lucic recently made the news for a fisticuffs in downtown Vancouver. After a late night on the town, Milan Lucic was minding his own business (eating himself) outside of Mean Poutine when someone sucker punched him. The altercation was apparently not too serious, but it did bring poutine into the news. So good on Mean Poutine for being open late, Milan Lucic for needing 3000 calories per meal, and oddly enough the guy who punched Lucic, inadvertently bringing this poutine to the news media. I’m sure the sucker puncher got what was coming to him and fortunately no poutines were hurt during the altercation.

Mean Poutine
718 Nelson St.
Vancouver, BC